Saturday, March 3, 2012

Top 5 Gifts to your Girl

No.1 Edible Chocolate Box

From the caviarphiles at Petrossian, this gift comes with an assortment of exquisitely decorated handmade chocolates and a twist: The case is made of the finest white and dark chocolate, leaving your girlfriend no choice but to finally eat box.

No.2 Vibrating Panties

These lacy underwear feature an anatomically positioned pouch for the included vibrator, whose 10 treadmill-esque jiggle programs are operable via an also-included remote. The range is 20 feet to 30 feet – which is like intimacy, but better, because you're still on the couch.

No.3 Bee Raw Honey Flight

This precious oak block showcases nine 1 oz vials of artisanal bee juice, hand-corked in NY and sourced nationwide. These vials contain everything from the light-colored, northern-climb Basswood (pairs with green apples and vanilla ice cream) to the molasses-like, Washington state Buckwheat (strong cheese) to the amber-hued and buttery North Carolina varietal known as Sourwood (everything from Asian foods to buttermilk biscuits, also the secret ingredient in Southern barbecue sauce).

No.4 Art from 20x200

Curated by an LES gallery owner and updated twice weekly with posters and prints starting at $20, this online boutique hawks small batch runs of everything from desolate Western townscapes to a still-life of a grounded raft longing to enter a lake to colorful abstract illustrations exploring "relational space." Sadly, there are no copies of the rare-since-your-deflowering 10 Reasons Beer is Better Than Women.

No.5 Sorapot

From a Brooklyn-based coffee hater, this oblong stainless steel and Pyrex tea-brewer will enable her dainty oolong habit despite looking like a bomb devised by a ruthlessly fey European terrorist. (Tea Hard: With a Vengeance.)

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